If I had it to do again...

 

I can remember the very spot on the big blue tarp that I was hazily staring at when I heard...

"It's a... BOY!"

I was sure I was going to hear GIRL.

So technically I was wrong. But I had been doubting for months. Derek says I wasn't wrong, I knew he was a boy, I just wanted him to be a girl for Derek's sake. He's right. But I stuck with girl because it was my initial thought. 

And my dad was sure he was a girl until he had this random dream a day or two before Kemp was born where he heard the doctor say exactly what he ended up saying... 

"It's a... BOY!"

Do I regret not finding out earlier? No. Not at all. I loved not knowing! It was fun and worth the experience.

Would I do it again... wait til birth to find out the gender? No. Once was enough. And as the next baby will be our last, I will need time to prepare my heart. 

We knew there was potential for this, but thought since we plan on having at least one more babe that it wouldn't be a problem. It was a tiny bit... Derek said, "I feel like we should have Kempton AND Amber. It's like we're missing one." 

I have to admit, it took a couple days to bond with my Kempy. Surgery and nursing pain weren't helping at all, but it was still frustrating. But the last day in the hospital, I spent it alone with my Kempster and fell head over heals in love. It's amazing how much a person can love such a tiny creature who does nothing but eat, sleep, and poop! 

Love my little man.

So in summary, I enjoyed the experience, but in the end I would probably say knowing ahead of time was better. We will definitely be finding out ahead of time with the last baby. Will we tell other people? That is to be determined ;)

The Birth of Kempton Charles

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

We came in. They cut me open.

"It's a... boy!"

Born at 11:39am. 9lbs, 4.8oz. 22 inches.

They sewed me up.

The End.

----------------

There are definitely benefits to having csections.

There may not be much to talk about as far as events, but the emotions involved are huge. The night before my csection for Jack, I was an anxious mess. Very little sleep happened. You know that feeling of overwhelming butterflies, involuntary worry, straight up freaking out? Several days before Kempton arrived I was anticipating a night full of that.

But can I just say, there is NOTHING like having a praying family. My sibs and parents were praying for me. My church family. My Christian family. I fell asleep Monday night completely at peace. It wasn't until about 7am that I started getting anxious, but even then it only took getting out of bed to push past it.

I even did some garden harvesting before leaving the house at about 9am.

Last family of 4 photo.

 The whole experience was quite a bit different than the first two. It was much better and much worse all at the same time. The surgery took much longer, which is better in that I feel the doctor did a very quality job, but worse in that it's just plain not fun being operated on. Also, I could feel tingling in my legs the whole time which made them very antsy but there was nothing I could do about it! But I was able to move more quickly since I didn't have an insane amount of numbing. There were several times I felt very tired and needed to calm myself down so I would close my eyes. I realized quickly that I was scaring Derek. He definitely thought I had passed out at one point.

Speaking of Derek, he totally watched the whole procedure and loved it!

Gross.

So now let's talk about the whole thing about how Kempton was only 9lbs 4.8oz. Yes, many a woman has pushed out a 9 pounder. Geesh, many have gotten much bigger than that out the natural way. But, as I mentioned in this post, I decided I needed to leave the csection/vbac thing completely to the Lord. While I tried to induce labor, God and I had all sorts of conversations about the outcome. Pretty much every time I pulled into the doc office, I said, "God, this is Your thing. Don't let me get in the way of what You want. I know that You know best." Toward the end, we knew our newest addition was not as big as his older sibs but I decided if the little mister ended up 9lbs or bigger, I would be confident in the csection decision.

Thank You, God, that Kemp was at least 9 lbs!

Next, would we do the whole not-finding-out-the-gender thing again? That is a question to be answered in another post. Along with the details of the surprise that we had Kempton rather than Amber!

Patience, my friends.

I'm so in love with our newest little man and his big sibs! It's amazing how much Marie and Jack love him. It took Marie a few hours to warm up but Jack bolted to him as soon as they arrived at the hospital. "Baby mine," he likes to say.

Now they beg to hold him. Jack will wrap his arms around and not let go. Marie tells me to take good care of her brother, tells me not to cry when I cringe during nursing, gives him stuffed animals while he sleeps. It's a dream. We love being a family of 5.

 

So glad I said yes.

9 years ago at the top of the Warren Dunes, Derek asked me to be his girlfriend.

I hesitated because I knew I was still struggling with a past relationship. But I also knew that I really wanted to be Derek's girlfriend. So I said yes.

I'm so glad I did.

For the first six months of our relationship I put that poor guy through the ringer. But he never once even considered breaking it off. He was in it for life starting on this day 9 years ago at the top of the Dunes.

About six months into our relationship I was working a gruelingly boring 8 hour shift in the dressing rooms at Marshalls.

I'll never forget that shift.

I was staring out at the store that was practically empty. I wasn't even really thinking about Derek. I was probably thinking about how insanely bored I was and wondering if it was worth the $6/hr or whatever it was.

But suddenly it hit me. I love him! I just knew it out of the blue. And was giddy about it. I watched him fight for me for the first six months. I watched him put up with me, adore me, treat me like a princess, have overwhelming patience for me.

I knew from that moment that I loved him and I haven't stopped since.

I'm so thankful God gave me a peace about saying yes 9 years ago, because I needed to see him fight for me. I have no doubt in my mind that he will always fight for me. He is so good to me.

It's important to mention that even though Derek has always been so amazing to me, if God hadn't gotten ahold of my ridiculousness six months after I said yes, I wouldn't have come to the place of recognizing it. God broke me just days before that shift at Marshalls and I'm so grateful for it!

Our whole relationship is completely owed to Him. It's such a beautiful thing when God writes your love story :)



Happy 9th Anniversary, my One and Only Forever Love.

Happy 4th Birthday, Marie Love

To my Goob,

4 years ago, at 1:51pm, we became parents for the first time to the most beautiful baby girl. You were so squishy you could barely open your eyes, which seemed to be fine with you as you loved to sleep more than anything the first few months of your life.

But wow have things changed! Now you are Little Miss Active. Your daddy and you can go non-stop all day long.

 

One new thing that you do that I just adore is you love to tell me and daddy and Jack that you love us. "Mommy, did you know that I love you?" are the words that brighten every single one of my days! You've become a little bit more of a snuggler as you're getting older. You are a wonderful big sister, always looking out for your brother and wanting to spend time with him.

You are sure that this new little sibling of yours is a little sister. I hope for you that it is. But if you get another little brother, I know you will love him just the way you love your JackJack. I'm so proud of how much you've grown since becoming a big sister. I pray that one day you will be blessed with being a momma because I know you will be amazing at it, in spite of all your momma's failings.

I constantly pray that God will draw you to Himself, that you will be sensitive to Him and give your life to Him very soon. There is nothing I or your dad want more for you! I also pray often that no matter what kind of ups and downs we go through in this life, that you and I will always have a strong relationship. I want to hear you say, "Mommy, I love you SO much" all the days of my life. God is continually working on me to be the best momma for you possible. But I will fail, and I do fail, and you already know that. And you always forgive me. Thank you! And don't ever stop!

Every time I ask you to stop growing up you tell me that you have to. Sometimes you say Daddy said it was okay, but I'm quite certain that's not true! I know you have to, but make sure you are always my baby girl.

 

We love you so much more than life, Baby Girl.

Happy 4th Birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Jack Edward

Dear Little Man,

2 years ago today you entered our world, improving it by leaps and bounds. It's so fascinating seeing how different you are from your sister and yet just as amazingly wonderful!

 

Your vocabulary is amazing, and your athletic skills are undeniable. You were once my perfectly obedient boy, but over the past few months you've become incredibly independent which has gotten you into a little trouble! In spite of that, I already see how you are going to have a sensitive heart to the Lord's leading.

You never tire of giving great big hugs and that melts this momma's heart every time! You adore your dad and are happiest when we are all together as a family. That is what you have in common with mommy.  But otherwise you are just like your dad. Your laid back demeanor, athleticism, matter-of-fact-ness, love of sleep, quiet sociableness. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love it!

You also are such a big helper! You like to help mommy clean and do laundry. You didn't get that from mommy or daddy, but that is just fine with us! Don't ever change.

I pray for you every night, that the Spirit will draw you to Himself. I pray that you will spend your life glorifying the Father, growing in Him, and impacting the world. I have confidence that you will do just that by the grace of God.

Very soon you will be a big brother. It breaks a little bit of my heart thinking about you no longer being the baby. Sometimes I worry a little that you will feel left out. Please know, Sweet Schnook, that there is nothing in the whole entire world that could possible cause me to love you even a smidgen less. I learned that the moment I laid eyes on you at 7:57am on July 1, 2010. I learned that I could love your dad with my whole heart, your sister with my whole heart, and still have so much love for you that my heart burst with it. I still get teary thinking about that moment. And somehow I love you more each day.

Jack Edward, I pray you live up to your namesakes. Continue the legacy of God-fearing men in the Jacobs and Johnson families. Love God with all you are.

And don't forget to always love your momma, too :)



We love you so much, JackJack.

Happy 2nd Birthday.