I used to have a Xanga site... well I guess I still have it I just don't use it anymore. Anyway, this is a post from that site that I wrote back in December. The spiritual gift of prophecy is incredibly misunderstood. I still don't really understand it. But it is my spiritual gift and I'd like to share what that looks like in my life...
I've come to the decision that the Spiritual gift of prophecy is simply the hardest. I realize I don't know what it's like to have any of the other spiritual gifts, but at least for me, I cannot figure how any other could be more trying.
First comes the spotting of the sin. It can literally become agonizing. When I see someone that I love living in sin and I know God wants me to confront, I cannot find peace until I've said or done something. The prophets of Scripture would rip their clothes and throw ashes on their heads and cry and mourn and plead with God to release them from their gut-wrenching duty. They wouldn't eat for days. Some even tried to flee the whole situation. But I'll tell ya right now that even if Jonah hadn't been swallowed by a huge fish, he never would have been able to truly flee his responsibility. It becomes part of you. Your purpose. My experience is obviously dust compared to what those great men and women went through, but I do believe that I often get a taste... It does not taste good.
So then comes the waiting. Sometimes God lets me in on something and I have to sit back and trust His timing. Everyone knows how irritating it is to wait! And the whole while I will have phases of overwhelming frustration and unrest. I'll lie in bed tossing and turning while I beg God to let me sleep. I'll cry. Sometimes I have screamed. I'll go over multiple scenarios in my head and almost always end up screaming at whoever (in my head), "How can you be such an idiot?!?"
That brings me to the part where God reveals to me how I need to get rid of the plank hanging out of my eye before I run off and tell the other person how terribly horrible their little speck is. Again, we can all relate to conviction. It stinks. Enough said.
So now I'm back to focusing on what God wants me to do about the whole situation. I start to get really nervous. I've done plenty of public speaking in my little life and I know how terrifying that is. But, at least for me, there is nothing more terrifying than facing someone you love and confronting them with the Truth. Humbly looking them in the eyes (and praying that they realize how humble you are) and bringing up something that suddenly you feel like is none of your business anyway. And there's the fear that the relationship will be ruined. That fear has caused me to fail so many times. Or the fear that by bringing this up, I will cause more issues than there was in the first place. And the thing about confronting with the Truth (even in love!) is that these fears are completely legitimate. These things happen. Again, it stinks.
Then comes the part where the other person responds. Will they become humbled themselves and together you can cry and pray and all will be better? Will they nod and say you're right and agree with everything then walk away unchanged, only so you can go back and try again another day? Will they get up and walk away, leaving everyone involved hanging? Will they get angry, throw at you that you're not perfect and have no right?
This Spiritual gift is hard. I am not qualified. And yet God gave me this gift, and Jesus makes me qualified. So I press on, scared to death of ruining relationships and being hated, but praying that lives will be changed and reconciliation with myself, and most importantly with the Father, will be reached.
To God be the glory.
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