But I did take the time to think it over. What would I ask Him if we could sit down for a very short chat? I first came up with questions like, "Why do You love me?" "Why do you bless me so much?" "Are we doing what You want us to?" Etc. But I realized all these questions have answers in Scripture.
I also thought of questions like, "Why must I have csections?" "Why did You allow me to make amazing friends in Scranton just in time for us to leave?" Etc. But honestly those questions seemed somewhat trivial.
I eventually came to a question that might have been my first thought but I'm not so sure I'd want to know the answer: "Are you proud of me?" Or in the words of a student's friend: "Do I make You smile?"
I know how to please Him. That is very clear in His Word. But am I? Is He proud to call me one of His own?
No time at all was wasted in the testing of this question... Marie has been ULTRA disobedient today. Jack had a screaming episode just because he wanted to sleep and is too picky about where he sleeps. We weren't at home so I couldn't lay him in bed. By the time we did get home I was beyond losing it. When finally both children were down for their naps and quiet settled over the house I realized that at that moment God would have to answer "no" to my question.
Time in the Word and much prayer followed, and I know He's completely forgotten the ugliness of earlier today. It wasn't long before another test came...
The "Conor House" that we've been already imagining our lives in will never be ours. They rejected our best unofficial offer (can't blame them as they would still owe at least $15grand to pay it off). When Derek told me over the phone I could tell he was devastated. I am, too. But by the grace of God I was able to respond peacefully and encourage my poor husband. We just need to trust... trust... trust...
I'd like to think God smiled.
I'd like to think He smiled because He knows exactly what house He has for us and it's WAY better! (Even though we can't imagine a better place...)
I'd like to think He smiled because He was proud of me.
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?