My post csection thoughts

Baby Jacobs #3 is due in a few months. I remember so well what it was like when Jack was this age. I was desperate to have a vbac. I mean, it was literally constantly on my mind, in my prayers. I begged God on a daily basis for this gift.

Derek and I picked out a date (June 17 - 37 weeks). We prayed constantly that God would allow me to go into labor on that day and have a natural birth. Up until that day, I was confident God would answer that prayer.

Then the day came. And went. And Jack was getting bigger fast.

To answer your burning question... no, I did not have gestational diabetes with either baby. In fact, I often struggled with low blood sugar. I was also anemic during both pregnancies which supposedly contributes to low birth weight. Also, I gained significantly less weight with Jack than I did with Marie. And he was well on his way to being much larger than she was.

Every night I would think, this is the night! I will wake up to horribly painful contractions and jump for joy. Every time I felt any kind of cramping, I'd get excited and beg for them to get painful.

I drank raspberry leaf tea religiously. I sat on an exercise ball every time I was on the computer, working on jewelry, watching TV, anything. I bounced on it incessantly. I jogged. I made my food so spicy I couldn't taste it. I forced the doc to strip my membranes.

Some people used to ask why on earth I would want to go through labor when I had a flawless and minimally painful csection. The bottom line was that I felt like a failure as a mother if I couldn't birth my own children. Or at least try. Somehow I had myself convinced at a subconscious level that it was my fault that I had to have a csection with Marie. And I had to make up for it somehow. I had to give birth to Jack "the way God intended" or I was unfit to even be his mother at all.

It's nice to not be in that place anymore. God has grown me. He has opened my eyes to so many truths that have led me to be overwhelmed with thanksgiving for modern medicine.

If God hadn't given humans the capacity to come up with cesarean sections, my daughter would likely be paralyzed, or not have survived at all. And Jack would probably not exist as I may never have been able to have kids again. Having those csections was a couple of the best decisions I've ever made.

I'm also grateful Jack didn't come at 37 weeks, because when he was born at 39 weeks he was in distress and had breathing issues. One week early was almost too early. God knew exactly what He was doing.

He also knows exactly why He grows big babies in me while giving me a less-than-ideal body for birthing babes. It's annoying that I have no idea why, but He has proven Himself enough times to be more than worthy of my complete trust. 

I still pray for a vbac often. I still dream of my perfect birthing story. I mean, if I could give birth at home in a bathtub and know my baby would be safe, I would do it in a heartbeat! But I don't feel guilty anymore. I don't blame myself anymore. And I'm not frustrated that God would "curse" me so.

I have two beautiful, strong, healthy gifts from God with another growing just as strong and healthy. If God decides to allow a vbac, I will praise His name! If He decides it is best for baby and momma to have a csection, I will praise His name!

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than you ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

PA Christmas Vacation

Last year, for some reason, the Jacobs Christmas Recap was a very popular post. It was probably all the extended Jacobs family checking it out. There are a lot of them! Well, I'm very late and have all sorts to catch up on so I'll start with our wonderful trip to PA.

After an amazing Christmas Eve with the family, then our very first Christmas morning just the four of us (with spectators in the form of Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw), we set out for Cleveland.

Gram (aka G.G.) showered us with all sorts of gifts. In spite of Jack refusing to sleep, we had a great time. And God had some serious mercy on us for the final 6 hrs of the trip... we didn't have to stop once! (Well, except for a super quick refueling where only Derek got out). The kids were angels! Praise the Lord.

We made sure to get the wiggles out at Riverfront shortly after we arrived.

Then we had another Christmas morning

And were showered with gifts again.

We spent the rest of the week and a half getting as much in as we could. We played badminton almost daily. We caught up with as many friends as we could, and made sure Marie had lots of time with her friends.

We even got a library trip in!

We went to Heritage and New Life on Sunday morning. Didn't want to miss anyone!

And Derek and I got to go out just the two of us on a couple of occasions. One time we went to the imax and saw Mission Impossible 3. Awesome. And two separate double dates. Oh how I love my friends! Oh yes, and Thai Rak Thai's drunken noodles followed by a chocolate peanut butter milkshake from Mannings... my mouth is watering.

Overall it was just a fantastic and relaxing week and a half. We needed it.

It mostly felt like we never left even though it had been an entire year since we visited last. Huge pieces of our hearts are there and always will be. 

Now back to reality!

Daddy's Dream

Daddy Draft

I find blogs to be very peculiar. I have a terribly difficult time communicating what I am thinking about. I find my thoughts to be very valuable because not many of them are heard. So, why would I "blog" about what I'm thinking about? And another peculiar aspect of blogging...why does anyone else care what I think?

So why am I typing this right now? No idea. Probably because I love my wife and appreciate so much that she takes the time to blog about our lives. I love reading what she writes, and I love that she keeps all of our friends and family updated on our lives. Thank you Baber!

To anyone who cares what I think, here is what is on my mind...

I am planning on running the Steamtown Marathon in October this year. I ran it once in 2006 and have always wanted to run it again. In 2006 my training was interrupted 1 month before the race due to crashing my bicycle into the side of a front-end loader. It was my goal to qualify for the Boston Marathon that year; I missed it by 20 minutes.

So, this year I plan to run the Steamtown Marathon and qualify for the Boston Marathon. Here's my dilemma:

Who will this goal benefit other than myself? I will lose time with my wife and kids due to my training schedule. I will be more tired and have less energy for my family. It costs about $300 to drive out to PA and back which we don't have.

Why do I want to run? I love a challenge. Running is the one sport that I feel truly challenges my bodies potential. I love to push myself to the limit, to see what I'm really made of. To run the Steamtown this year and qualify for Boston will be a huge challenge for me, and I am really looking forward to it.

Is it wrong of me to chase a dream now that I'm a husband and a father? I have some creative ideas on how to balance family time and dream chasing, but I was curious if anyone else cared to comment on my dilemma.

Our Christmas Traditions

A couple weeks ago I promised I'd post about what ideas we decided to implement this Christmas season. Some things we've been doing, some are new!

So here's the list you've been holding your breath for...

1. Goodies for our neighbors

2. Jesse Tree

3. $20 gift budget for each of us
4. Christmas caroling at a nursing home
5. Gifts and dinner for hurting families (we're giving to 2 this year)
6. We got a couple of gifts for a couple of Lifeline kids - the cool thing about this was one kid wanted jewelry and one kid wanted a soccer ball. Perfect! We already had both!
7. Marie is going to use some of her "spending money" to buy Jack a gift.
8. Church Christmas morning followed by reading Luke 2, singing happy birthday to Jesus, and opening gifts!

One of the many things we learned (and are learning!) during our toughest trial of this year was that God expects us to give even when it seems we have nothing to give!

(I can't tell you how many times I've promised God if He just gave us a little bit more money than absolutely necessary that we would give it all away. He told me He's already got that covered and it's time to give! As soon as I can find the passage that really convicted me, it will be posted!)

It's been so cool to see how God has not only provided for us, but has also provided for us to bless others.

We have truly enjoyed focusing on our Savior this Christmas and are so excited to continue implementing Christ-focused traditions in the years to come. I just love how Marie is constantly talking about Jesus' birthday.

Merry Christmas!

Dinner Party!

My sister is having her 3rd little babe - her 1st girl. To celebrate, we threw her a baby shower/dinner party!

My sis-in-law is becoming quite the party planner! She dreamed it all up and basically did all the real work. My mom, future-sis-in-law, friend, and I helped out.

I'm telling ya, next time you throw a party, get as many hosts as you can. Makes it so easy!

So first, Steph made and sent out gorgeous invitations.

Then we put together the menu (Italian woot!)...

1. Salad
2. Garlic bread
3. Meat sauce spaghetti
4. Fettucini Alfredo
5. Veggie Lasagna (I made this! First time making lasagna ever)
6. Cupcakes

Then we put together the schedule...

1. Game one - with Salad
2. Game winner - open prize
3. Game two - Main meal
4. Game winner - open prize
5. Game three - cupcakes
6. Game winner - open prize
7. Presents!

And here was the final set up...

 

We enjoyed fellowship and deliciousness...

 

We had a wonderful time and can't wait to meet Natalie Ruth!

We've also got a wedding shower in the works. Steph is the party planning master!