This hasn't happened since I was a teenager, but I began to wonder if I really was bearing fruit in my life. And suddenly I couldn't remember a single time that God had disciplined me. All through the message I wondered if it was possible that I have been living a lie all this time and never truly accepted Christ.
On the way home from church I started to talk to Derek about this, and no sooner did I open my mouth than I realized how ridiculous it was that I was thinking all of that. I definitely have some serious growing to do, don't get me wrong. But God brought to my mind something that had happened only a couple days before where I literally stopped and thanked God for the confirmation of my salvation. I can't remember the situation at all now, but it was as though God brought it about for the very purpose of bringing it to mind when Satan attacked with these lies of my not being saved.
Since that day, God dumps on extra (times a million!) grace and continually opens my eyes to proof of my salvation. Specific answers to prayer. Seemingly hopeless situations turning miraculous (i.e. our new iPad spending the night in the middle of cr 17, finding it and getting it replaced on the very last day of its warranty). That sense of peace that only God can give.
That brings me to the other night. It was a rough night. But God gave me peace. He heaped on the grace (He seems to enjoy that!) and when I couldn't find the words to pray, He brought me to Ephesians 3...
14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.
Add an exclamation point and it's like Paul just cried out for me. Later it says...
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
God's response to my falling to my knees. Trust, My child, I know what I'm doing. And it's way better than anything you could do! So rest in My peace.
It's an indescribable place to be.