I am impatience defined.

Everyone struggles with being impatient. Everyone. Do not correct me if I'm wrong.

Some struggle more than others. I'm in the "more" category.

Lately God has really been "encouraging" me to work on this issue. I always try to avoid asking Him to help me be patient because we all know what that leads to... But it has gotten to the point where I've had to give in and straight up ask for it. I use the phrase "supernatural patience" hoping that God will get the hint that I need Him to do it all by Himself, because I just get in the way.

Seriously, every stinkin' time that God gives me an opportunity to practice patience, I fail. Fail. Fail.

Today, I was losing my patience with my impatience.

But tonight, I had a victory! A hugely miniscule victory! An annoyingly humbling victory.

I was driving home from Bible study (of all places) and I got stopped at the first light. Then I got stopped at the next light. Then there was a train at a crossing that I didn't even think was still in use. And I, for no reason at all, had to get home as soon as possible.

But God seems to have heard that sneaky word, "supernatural," because as I approached the flashing lights at the train tracks, I felt calm. My impatience was melting away at an alarming rate. And I found myself enjoying just sitting quietly, eating my apple, enjoying the peace.

While getting stopped at lights doesn't always set off my impatience, tonight it was. (Trains almost always do! Can I get an amen??) After the train passed and I drove through two green lights, it hit me that God had given me a victory. A tiny, but monumental victory. I was well on my way to getting mad and went the opposite direction by the grace of God.

I needed that tiny victory to prove that God and I can have many more in much bigger situations! I spent the next several minutes thanking God with joy in my heart.

There's a long road ahead, but I'm finally on it!

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20

My Heart Hurts

It's well after midnight. Tomorrow... well later today, we're packing up the huge truck and saying goodbye to friends, family, and Scranton. I need sleep. But my heart hurts too bad to sleep.

I've never been a fan of change. But that's not why my heart hurts. These are a few of the real reasons why my heart hurts...

God is Bigger

Today has been one of those days where I feel like I just cannot catch up. I didn't even cook dinner last night and somehow the dishes keep piling up! I've made a number of attempts to pick up the house (that was spotless yesterday, by the way!) and feel like nothing changes. So I gave up. We went on a nice walk this absolutely gorgeous day, and then I blew up Marie's little pool and we played in it and with the hose and the sprinkler.

I'm suddenly speechless. How do I describe how I feel about today? Let's see... if I close my eyes to the clutter, the ridiculous amount of packing left to do, the piles of laundry to put away... I can't because that is part of my life. And I can't imagine life any better! The sweet moments listening to my daughter giggle as she splashes in her tiny pool we got for a dollar at a garage sale before she was even born, are just reminders that no matter where we are, what we have, who we're with, as long as I have my little family (that is growing rapidly!) I can't imagine life any better.

It's so easy to forget that. Maybe that is why God sort of forced me to give up on the house and spend time getting some vitamin D with my favorite little Goober. I needed to remember.

On the flip side, I have a little complaining... no, expressing of concerns to do. Jack is not due until July 8. But that date really has very little relevance (other than being my Baby Girl's 2nd birthday of course!) now that we have a csections scheduled for July 1. I know even that date is still 2 weeks and 2 days away, but each day that passes, I get a little bit more anxious for this child to come on his own. At church Sunday, Dr. Mike was talking about the end times. He makes it so easy to understand, I learned a lot! Anyway, the passage was 1 Thess. 5 and in verse 3 it says, "While they are saying, 'Peace and safety!' then desctruction will come upon them suddenly like labor pains upon a woman with child, and they will not escape." Dr. Mike was commenting on how moms and dads know what that's like. My heart just sank. While it has absolutely nothing to do with the passage, all I could think about was how I'm a mom who has no idea what it's like.

Oh brother, now I'm gonna cry.

I know it's probably insane to desperately want to go into labor and feel all the pain involved. Especially after a glitch-free csection where I not only felt no pain, I felt nothing! And it was actually glorious. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm just not a very good mom if I can't even give birth to my own child. Or at least attempt to.

God knows my heart better than even I do, and I'm working hard to rest in His perfect plan. But I am human, I am a mom, and I long to give birth to my little.. I mean BIG... JackJack. I can't help but be jealous of all the women that I keep coming across who have lived through their ideal birthing experience. It's completely out of my hands, which is definitely a very good thing, but is also incredibly hard.

On Thursday I'll be 37 weeks. For 37 weeks (or somewhere around there), we've been praying for Jack to come on his own on this day - June 17th. Please pray with us! God's will be done! His is WAY better than mine!

It's All Working Together for GOOD.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Phil. 4:6)

That verse kinda describes the past couple of years of our lives as we've sought God's plan for us. The past couple of years have been racked with anxiety, uncertainty, frustration, and often the lack of thanksgiving and even prayer. And because of that, God has included this verse in His Word to repremand us, teach us, grow us, change us.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:7)

Peace is the result of leaving it all before the Lord. By the grace of God, we've been able to leave it all before Him and have been blessed with peace concerning this huge coming change in our lives...

Derek was officially offered a job in Elkhart, Indiana. We've decided to accept it. We will be saying goodbye to our first home, the only home we've known since we've been married. Where we've built our little family. We'll be *tearfully* leaving Scranton behind in July.

We'd appreciate all your prayers as we transition. Between now and July 16 we are going on vacation, packing the house, giving birth to our second child, finding a house in Elkhart, and moving 600 miles away. Lots to do!