Our Picture Perfect Life.

Yesterday I shared this fun video full of giggles and happy faces. It was definitely the highlight of the day.

 Because yesterday was rough. Ugly. And as I thought about that post I felt convicted.. like I was straight out lying to the world wide web about life here at the Jacobs' home.

I don't believe in airing out dirty laundry on social media. TimeHop has done an excellent job of reminding me of those times I've done that years ago, embarrassing me to no end. Thankfully it was years ago and I have no intention of starting that back up.

What I enjoy seeing in my social media memories is shots of my now 4 year old all bundled up in his sweet tiny-ness sucking on a paci too big for his face. I love chuckling at quotes said by my mini-me when she was 3, and having to stop for a second to figure out if the pic I'm seeing is of Jack or Roger. It's uplifting to come across a post about how even tho it's been hard, God is good. And my favorite, seeing an old post from a friend that reminds me that I am loved.

After yesterday, though, I realized that in my attempt to stay positive on social media, I'm beginning to portray myself and my life as perfect, well kept, put together, admirable.

Oh boy, it's laughable just to type those things! That is not AT ALL my intention. There is airing laundry, and there is being real. I want to be real.

Because marriage, parenting, homeschooling, this thing called life is HARD. I know that I am not the only one who doesn't even sort of have it all together. The last thing I want to do is cause anyone to stumble - through jealousy or discontentment or hate - because I'm not being real.

This seems especially important right now as school has started up and parents are either facing homeschooling head on or wrestling in their spirit with the whole idea of homeschool. Let me give you some real when it comes to homeschooling around here.

I am going to prove to you that if I can do it, truly anyone can!

And we are only going to focus on yesterday...

I wasn't even all the way out of bed yet and I was already yelling at the kids. When breakfast was finally served, I locked the door to my bedroom so I could eat and vainly attempt some time with the Lord.

We managed a trip to the library which surprisingly is often a nice reprieve. Praise the Lord! But as soon as returning home, the chaos commenced. I hid in a book for as long as I could while letting the kids eat in front of the TV. Screens = sanity.

By the time I finally got up the strength to put the little two down for nap, it was pushing 2:00pm and we hadn't started school yet.

(School has been upstairs the last couple of weeks because I don't have the strength to deal with the mess...)

(Thank you, YouTube, for doing half of Kempton's schooling!)

Jack took an HOUR to read his short story. Aren't homeschool parents supposed to be all patient or something? Not this one. I might've lost it on him... twice. It's a miracle we survived.

Meanwhile, Marie keeps thinking that getting out the iPad or turning on her music or doing anything that isn't school related is acceptable. I may have lost it on her.

At some point it's time to get dinner ready and we are still knee deep in school. I realize that the little boys have been playing in their room instead of napping for the last two hours.

I definitely lost it on them.

Derek calls. I'm pretty sure I motivated him not to rush home from work, although he'd never admit to that. He does return home, though, and saves the day.

It's somewhere between 6 and 7pm and we finally finish the last of school (which I posted on instagram - the happiest part of the day).

And the things I'm not telling you? ...
... I don't plan ahead. I figure out what we're doing next as the kids work on the previous thing.
... crafts stress me out so I avoid them at all costs.
... I do a little school with Kempton maybe twice a week and only manage to do that because he loves it.
... I let Roger color and essentially destroy Jack's math pages after he works forever on them.
... I'm convinced I'm ruining my kids at least once a day.

I am the mom who should not be homeschooling and yet I am because God called me to it and is miraculously bringing us all through it.

Most days do not involved quite as much pregnancy hormones as yesterday, but it's far from picturesque ever. We struggle. We survive. We hate it. But we mostly LOVE it.

I am sorry for portraying our homeschool life as beautiful when it is mostly a, well, mess. But I want to close out this laundry airing realness with the whole point in sharing it all:

Homeschooling (marriage, parenting, life in general) is HARD but oh so worth it. Even after snapping at a struggling reader, my heart (eventually) overflows with joy when I get to experience the light in their eyes when it finally clicks; the giggles still readily available after a long, hard, ugly day; the knowledge that even though their momma can throw tantrums just as well as they can, their day is still infused with Jesus. It has been the most fulfilling calling of my life.

I will continue to post sweet pictures of focused, hard-working, and giggly babies because let's be honest, that's what I want to remember. But if anyone ever tells you that they could never do the homeschooling thing, refer them to this post. And maybe when you're thinking about throwing in the towel, remember you're not alone and HIS mercies are new every morning!!

If I can do it, truly anyone can!

Happy New School Year!

What was actually going on...

Our verse focus this morning in devotions was Romans 3:23-

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Well the kids got a good, old fashioned object lesson in how we ALL sin. Even mommy.

We were getting bundled up to take our very first Operation Christmas Child box to the drop-off. I wanted to gather together and pray over the box first. And, of course, get a picture.

We were supposed to all be grateful and excited. There was supposed to be all this joy and love surrounding the whole experience.

Not even sort of.

Tears. Tantrums. Spanks. Repeat.

...I need a minute to recover from just the memory...

The beauty in this mess is that God always forgives. We finally managed to snuggle up together, discuss our verse again, and thank God for sending His Son so we can be forgiven.

It was only then that we were able to gather around this little box and pray for the sweet boy that will get to meet Jesus through it.

Beauty from the ashes.



((I will be reviewing and giving away a copy of the book we are using for devotions right now in the very near future! Keep a look out!))

Honesty Day 7

Yay! Last day! Phew.

As if I haven't revealed enough about myself, this post is simply a list of random realness…

~I put on a particular tank top on Wednesday morning. I did not take it off until this morning.
~This means I did not shower or workout any of those days.
~Yes, I slept in it.
~Kempton ate Ritz crackers for dinner last week… twice.
~Today, I ate enough dark chocolate chips to give myself a stomach ache.
~I always brush my teeth in the morning. But almost never brush them at night.
~I worry.
~I'm selfish
~I'm scared of stink bugs. I've had nightmares. And I shiver every time I see one.
~I am very bad with names. And sometimes faces.
~I have a small pile of tshirts that I've been keeping for their sentimental value.
~I have a temper.
~I read the whole Twilight Series in 3 days (the movies are horrid).
~I also read the Divergent series in 3 days but that's significantly less embarrassing.
~Our schoolroom is so messy, we've been doing school in the kitchen.
~I rarely clean the kitchen before going to bed.
~I only brush Marie's hair when absolutely necessary.
~I often forget to brush my own hair.
~Sometimes I let the kids eat on the floor in the living room in front of their TV.
~My carpet is very dirty as a result.

Now that you know way more than you wanted to know about me…

I hope this whole experiment was encouraging to at least some of you! I'm glad it's over :)

Though painful, only honesty with God and others will enable the Christian to walk in purity and power. -Jim Elliff

Nothing can enter heaven which is not real; nothing erroneous, mistaken, conceited, hollow, professional, pretentious, insubstantial, can be smuggled through the gates. Only truth can dwell with the God of truth. -C.H. Spurgeon 

Honesty Day 6

I waste so much time.

I am plenty busy with 4 kids and homeschooling and everything else we do. Some days I feel like I'm going nonstop and still am getting nothing done. It's a hamster wheel kinda life sometimes.

But it is amazing how much time I still manage to waste. I would probably have a much cleaner house if I didn't get on Facebook multiple times a day. Evenings are the worst because I'm tired and have no desire to be productive. So I'll sit around and do nothing til much too late in the night.

Honestly, it's stupid.

There is a time to waste time...

Oh how I love snuggling and playing with my RJ as if time stood still. He usually only nurses for 10-15 minutes but I have been known to sit on the couch with him for much longer just enjoying his giggles and squishing his cheeks. I mean really, who could resist such adorableness? Totally time worth wasting.

It's never wasted time with these crazies! I should "waste" more time on them...

It certainly wouldn't hurt to waste more time on my soulmate.

The time wasting I'm confessing to here is the kind that keeps me up late at night just scrolling through Facebook, watching Netflix, eating. It's usually after the kids go to bed and sometimes I really just need the downtime. But maybe going to bed earlier would be a much better use of my time! And tonight, some time in the Word since I haven't gotten to that yet today.

I believe in downtime. I believe in some "wasted" time being good. But honestly I simply waste too much time.

Lord, help me to give of the time you've blessed me with in such a way that is pleasing to You. Teach me to number my days that I might get a heart of wisdom.

Honesty Day 5

Honesty isn't really a struggle for me (you can tell that by now, right?). The main reason for posting these days of honesty is to bring to and encourage realness in social media. It's an old discussion but still a relevant one… we post only the pretty stuff so people will think only the best of us.

I'm so very guilty of  it, too -
bragging about all the awesome things my kids do and conveniently leaving out the not so good stuff…
making sure the background of every picture is cleared of all the random debri (batman undies anyone?)...
posting all about our awesome trip to this place or that, and conveniently being quiet during all the many days of doing absolutely nothing…
and don't forget about those workout posts, the ones that come once every couple of weeks leading you to believe that I work out all the time when really I probably haven't worked out at all in between pics…
all those things I managed to accomplish today that I wrote all about in my Facebook status? It was more than I've accomplished in an entire week, I did absolutely nothing but stuff my face with peanut butter and dark chocolate chips the rest of the day, and I yelled at my kids the whole time…

Here's the honesty part: the problem is not with these rose-colored posts. We probably shouldn't be laying out all of our dirty laundry for the whole world to see anyway (oops!).

 I think the problem is in our (my!) response to others' posts of their "perfect" lives.

When I see someone post a picture of their feet propped up with a hot cup of something delicious in their hand, and a candle burning on the clean coffee table, and not a speck of clutter in sight, I get jealous. It would take me all day to set up a pic like that!

Another post that tends to prick my jealousy bone is seeing pictures of moms with all their kids doing super fun (and of course educational!) things. I start to feel like a horrible mom for not wanting to leave the house and feel stress just thinking about doing those things!

I told Derek the other day that I want to be a family who "does stuff" together. His response: "We do do stuff together." And he's so very right. It's not always glamorous or even post-worthy, and sometimes our "doing stuff" is nothing more than just being together, but I'm working on being truly content no matter what others' lives look like on Facebook.

This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. Proverbs 30:7-8

Honesty Day 4

I have half hour to post this before it's tomorrow so it'll be a quick one.

I've already confessed on numerous occasions my struggle with food. So maybe for today's honest confession, I'll be more specific about what foods tend to be a problem…

I finished a bag of Kroger brand tortilla chips with lime with minimal help from Kempton in two days. Twice. (As I was looking for an image of this, I found a coupon for a free bag and got distracted…)

I've been known to finish off at least half of a bag of dark chocolate chips in a day.

I love mountain dew. And pizza. And chocolate. And chips.

I could consume all of the above in one sitting.

Don't even get me started on fatty, creamy dips…

Source

None of these foods are a sin to eat. I believe God has gifted us with the sense of taste to enjoy food! It is in the attitude behind the eating of these delicious foods where the sin resides.

Sometimes I think I'm entitled to eat whatever I want and however much I want…
"I'm stressed, I deserve this." "It's been a long day, this will make me feel better." "It's a special occasion, I'll make better choices tomorrow."

As my daughter quoted to me today (thanks co-op!): Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Honesty Day 3

My kids watch movies and play on the computer or iPad every single day.

*GASP*

We don't have TV but they have all sorts of VHS' and they watch PBS Kids on the iPad. They also play games on the iPad every day (Kempton is learning his letters and how to write them already thanks to one of his fave iPad games), and most of Jack's schooling is done on the computer!

And even worse, I don't have any set rules for these things. When I feel like they're spending too much time on these things, I tell them it's time to move on and they rarely argue. They do get a little obsessed with other peoples iPads because they have different games. That gets annoying. But at home they rarely obsess over it and I am perfectly fine with letting them watch movies and play on the iPad. They've actually learned a lot through PBS Kids and iPad games.

Now brace yourself... I've even used these things as a babysitter.

*GASP*

Doggone it, I just don't care what you think!

Maybe that's the honest part of today's post... my kids get all sorts of screen time and I don't care what you have to say about it!

((But I do appreciate and love all of you, my friends and family! You know that, right? :-* ))

Disclaimer: Fear not, loved ones, I am not at all careless about this. I do not use movies to babysit Roger. Only Derek and Marie do that. Ha. I'm strict with what they watch and I don't let them lay around all day watching. I also have plans to establish boundaries, but for now it's working just fine how it is.

Honesty Day 2

I know I'm not totally alone in this because people tell me all the time that I'm not.

But really.

Does anyone else's house really get this messy?

And even if it does, does it really stay that way for months at a time?

And even if that does happen, does anyone else really sit down on the couch at the end of the day, turn on Netflix, and pretend like you didn't have to dump a bunch of stuff onto the floor in order to sit down on the couch?

My house hasn't been clean since I got pregnant with Roger.

Not that it was ever really clean before him, it's just reached new heights of messy.

Sure, there's been a day here and there that it's gotten clean enough. We hosted Easter in April and birthdays in July. So the house was clean for a minute then. And it took me a week at least of several meltdowns to prepare the house for those occasions.

I only clean the kids' bathroom when I know someone is coming over. I usually only clean our bathroom when it's so disgusting even the kids don't want to go in there. I hate cleaning bathrooms.

The master bedroom is the messiest room in the house.

Very recently the house was such a mess that you could not take more than one step without having to step over something… throughout the entire house.

My kitchen looks like this probably 4 times a week.

Now before any of my kind friends try to encourage me by saying I'm spending time with my kids and that's more important, let me clarify… sure I'm spending all sorts of time with my kids but not the kind of time you're thinking.

I'm wiping noses and butts. Feeding, disciplining, listening to endless chatter. These are very important things, I know. And I truly love every part of my calling. But I'm not even sort of the Pinterest mom who sits and plays tea party every day and puts on costumes and productions in the living room. Maybe on rare occasions, but mostly…

I'm just trying to survive.

And not ruin my children's childhood in the process.

I'm sure I'll get the hang of things eventually and it won't be quite so disgusting around here. But in the meantime I'm going to embrace the wisdom my mom passed along to me from her dear friend, Vicki: This is just a phase. It won't always be this way. And I don't want to waste away this phase by concerning myself (too much) with things that will not alter the course of eternity.

I have learned that sometimes I just need to let it go (that song is literally playing in Marie's room at this moment) because refusing my sis-in-law's company at a moments notice because of a messy house is sad and something I simply don't want to do. And I'm super thankful for friends and family who love me in the midst of the mess!

7 Days of Honesty

My life has been a little bit chaotic since Roger was born. We are so busy, and I have a two-year-old who hits and screams and throws all out tantrums at the drop of a hat (sometimes literally!) I'm tired. I'm irritable. Sometimes I cry...

I can't do this.

I came across this video on Facebook today -

Post by Mohammad Al Wakeel.

I didn't have the sound on so I had no idea how the mom was responding, but I could tell she was responding significantly better than I would have because the kids aren't crying or flinching. They don't look afraid of Psycho Mommy.

At first I laughed out loud, then I started to get teary. I know I would turn into Psycho Mommy because there have been three separate incidents where seriously huge and hard to clean messes were made (one involved pencil and white wall, another involved markers and Marie's entire room, and the last involved baby powder and Jack's entire room), and I lost it.

So I'm watching this honestly pretty hilarious situation and thinking, wow, I want to be that mom who takes a deep breath, gets down in the flour, and starts drawing pictures in it with her babes. Sure, we'd discuss how it was not a good idea to make such a mess, and they would most definitely have to help clean it up.

But first, we'd enjoy life together. First, we'd make the most of the situation. First, we'd make memories. Not the kind of memories I have when I see a bottle of baby powder. I can see their crushed spirits on their sweet, scared faces. No, I want to make the kind of memories that make us giggle together years later, that make me completely forget the process of cleaning it all up because the playing in it was so worth it.

My prayer is to lose the Psycho and put on the Loving, Patient, Enduring, Memory-Making Mommy.

This is Day 1 of my 7 Days of Honesty. This is my life. Real, messy, crazy, sometimes ugly life. I'm gonna spend the next 7 days sharing my real life and finding the joy in it. Anyone else brave crazy enough to join me?